box lunchIf I ever referred to my girlfriend’s genitals as her “hoo-hoo” to her face, she would slap me hard and strong in an attempt to send me back in time a few seconds and think better of what I had just said. And that is the problem with Box Lunch by Diana Cage, a book of practical oral sex tips that is undermined by enough slang terms for the female genitalia to choke a mule.

Her advice is sound, but her voice—somewhere between a drunken sailor and a cheerleader—is distracting. While it’s hard to knock her enthusiasm, Cage seems to think her readers are less than warm to the idea of cunnilingus. Exclamation points abound as if we need to be reminded that sex is fun. And the euphemisms— “rug-munching”, “licking box”, “dining at the Y”: who really talks like this? To make matters worse, the book is stuffed with filler, from the useless (the five-question quizzes to determine whether you’re a top or a bottom) to the utterly tedious (three-and-a-half pages of “Fabulously Fun Names to Call Your Pussy”).

This isn’t to say that Cage doesn’t have anything good to offer her reader. Her tips and techniques are all proven and helpful, even if they are fairly standard. Anyone needing help with cunnilingus will probably pick up a thing or two from Box Lunch. But all of the pointless trivia and asides reduce this book into more of a sassy bathroom reader than a quality resource for those looking to hone their skills.

Alyson Books, 2004, paperback -

Reviewed by Lippy Imp