Wed Mar 29, 2006
I’ve been out of the office way too much in the past week, between kid birthdays and everything else going on. Yesterday Elliott came with me into the city on pilates day, and then I spent the rest of the afternoon tagging along like a little kid as he had various business meetings. The one woman we had lunch with I’ve met before and she’s wonderful, but it was still deadly dull hearing them talk contracts and things I knew nothing about. But hey, it was delicious sushi and I sorta like seeing Elliott in his element. Missing an entire day because we shared a ride into town was not fun though.
I’m a bit melancholy because my old friend and long-ago poly partner James moved out of town this week. I don’t know why, we don’t see each other more than a couple times a year these days anyhow, but just the whole thing about him leaving was sad. We talked on the phone a tiny bit last week, since I didn’t get a chance to make it out to say goodbye in person.
Speaking of former poly lifetimes: I watched the show Big Love on HBO the other day. I don’t think it was the first one, but it was maybe the 2nd as the show just premiered. Then, yesterday as I sat in a coffee shop reading the New York Times while Elliott had meeting two, I came across a piece they’d written about the polygamist response to the series. They interviewed a group of 5 women who either currently were, or had previously been, in polygamous relationships to get their take on the show.
Now if you haven’t seen Big Love, or heard about it, the premise is a religious oriented polygamous family, headed by one man with 3 wives and various children and extended family. They are portrayed as normal, everyday suburbanites with normal everyday problems, complicated (of course) by the dynamics of having to meet all the various needs of everyone involved.
As I watched, I - well, sorta got nutty about it. I am so absolutely grateful not to be living a poly lifestyle any longer, but it brought up all sorts of triggers for me about the past. I’m curious to keep watching the show, after reading a bit in the NYTimes about the future issues it’s going to raise, but I’m not sure I can keep watching.
Now back to what the women in the NYTimes interview said: basically, they all seemed to concur that there was too much focus on sex (the main character is a Viagra-popping husband) and not enough on religion. One of them commented matter-of-factly “no woman would share a man if it wasn’t for religious reasons.” hah. Obviously my experience has been quite different, and I wonder if these women know what exactly goes on in the world outside of the bubble they are in. Reading between the lines though, the statement kinda gives you a glimpse that it wouldn’t be a lifestyle she thinks anyone would choose for other reasons, like… say… happiness. Of course in the poly she’s been exposed to and living, it’s all male-centric multiple wives. Again a big difference from the poly community I’ve been in.
The consensus they seemed to share though, was that the series was ultimately a good thing for polygamy, as it shows a pretty fair and balanced view. I wonder though: would these people who are for polygamy being legal, also be for “non-religious” polyamory being as accepted? Hrm. Somehow I don’t think so.