He’s not afraid of sextoys. To be honest, in the social circles I used to be in, nobody was afraid of sextoys - but I think in the general population, there are a lot of unfounded sextoy fears. Back when I was thinking of selling JanesGuide (there was a period during my split with my former partner where we thought it might be necessary) I was in negotiations with a major publisher of several men’s magazines, and they told me they’d pull the toystore listings, sextoy reviews, etc. if they bought the site, because their demographic (primarily heterosexual men) would be put off by them.

Being in the “love bubble” of sexually aware people, that came as a shocker at the time. I guess I just didn’t give it that much thought, but then when I REALLY took a hard look at most of the mainstream porn I see every day in the course of work, I realized that while there is plenty of toy action, it’s rarely about vibrators and clit orgams. Rather, it’s all dildos and yet more of women pretending to have a good time with penetration alone. The exception to that might be some of the newer bondage porn, lots of that features vibe/dildo induced orgasms.

Anyhow, I digress. Previous to me, Elliott had never been involved with a woman who admitted to liking toys, or owned any. When we first started dating, he knew I had a single drawer full of nothing but toys. He was super curious, it was totally cute. Then after awhile, he finally asked the big question. “so just what’s in there?” Of course I told him to have a look and help himself. :)

I guess the big fear I hear men talk about is “being replaced”, or having the toy induce a bigger and better orgasm than they can. In a lot of ways it’s the equivalent to how women feel about men looking at porn. I think in both instances it’s unfounded fear - neither toys nor porn can replace the intimacy of partner sex. And I firmly believe that both can be used to enhance partner sex. Hell, I often send Elliott links to porn sites I think he might like, ’cause I know it’ll get him fantasizing and he’ll bring that libido home to me. We don’t generally look at porn together though, because we have different tastes.

So.. what did I order recently? Well… I thought thisĀ  looked interesting. Sorta similar to one Monk posted a picture of recently in his weblog. And Elliott actually expressed an interest in a rabbit. Now I’ve had rabbits in the past, the one problem I encounter was that mine sometimes got too hot from the motor. I ordered a variation on the rabbit, called the Rock Lobster. Yeah, I picked it for the song reference. heh.

and we have a whole weekend to ourselves coming up…

-JaneĀ