September 15th

As always, life is good.Conflict in a feeling and thinking person, conflicts in those feelings and thinkings, can be a fascinating thing to observe - when it's not terminal, of course.

For around ten years I've studied various Pagan paths. I've taken classes in basic magick, ritual construction, tantra, and many other variations on valuable woowoo. I enjoyed my visit to the Spring Mysteries a couple years ago, I've spent many happy times with a local group of erotic spiritualism, and have documented here some of the more extreme activities more related to Native shamanism that I've participated in. In much of my studies, whether Wiccan, Native American, or of the Bushido, the full moon has been a time of holy observation.

During a parallel lifetime, much of the past twenty years has been spent working in various forms of medicine, and most of the couple of hundred full moons experienced have been spent working in emergency rooms, psych wards, ambulances and aid stations.

The stark realities of full moons for those professionals such as myself is harsh. For those of us who routinely insert ourselves into Harm's Way, between the bulk of mankind and their darker side, these realities are too recurrent, too chilling, too real. Too real for me to easily engage the full moon as a holy time, sacred for ritual.

This is how it has been most recently. The full moon peaked mid week, as my encounters with my more psychotic patients have become most painful. At the end of the week, now, as I begin to work on my mending I look up and see the most beautiful white circle in the sky. I'm inspired to sit in the dark, gazing up and contemplating the healing and the changes to come.

The dichotomies of the spiritual and experiential full moon incongruities is a challenge.

Regardless of the time of month, I _am_ determined to heal and to rise above all it all.

Just got back from Capital Hill. An old friend [my ex girlfriend's ex wife] had a birthday and I was the token guy invited [ :) note the smiley - just kidding, ladies. One other fellow did finally show up.]. This fine lady is a survivor. I've known her for around ten years and she's been living with HIV the entire time I've known her. She was exposed to the virus on the job working in the medical field in the late 80's, prior to our first getting acquainted. Through the several years that she, my ex, and I were in a V-shaped triad she was quite acutely ill. The ex and I split up about four years ago, and the two of them split about a year later. Once on her own, despite oppressive chronic pain, she cold turkey detoxed herself from the noxious pain cocktails that had clouded her sensorium for years. She then got herself onto an HIV cocktail that has made significant improvements in her condition.

How significant? During the entire several years that she and I were sharing a partner the consensus of her doctor, her shrink, myself, our co-ex, and just about everyone else was that she had a profound and progressing dementia. Now, three years after she began changing her meds, her third book - her second novel - will be arriving at the bookstores in a week and she has a reading tour scheduled. [Her first semi-autobiographical novel won a Lambda award in the 80's].

Tonight she looked in rare form. It was a happy thing to see her receiving her friends, near regal in her presence. Yes, she's still ill. Yes, she still has pain, still has chronic conditions, still has medical challenges looming. However she is _living_ with the virus, not dying with it. I'm proud to call her friend. She's a survivor.

A few shorts...

Coyote Beautiful : You can start your learning about Bubbles here , here , and here. A worthy study for you.

Bobby Knight : Give it up. You were wrong; you know it, we know it, and the jury is already convinced. Give it a _long & quiet_ cooling off period, and then try to work towards bringing some sense of honor to a long and respected career after such an inauspicious end. Think Pete Rose.

Cybill Shepherd: Just watched 'Taxi Driver' . From 1976. Goddess above, woman, you're less than a year younger than I am. How come only one of us has aged in the last 24 years?

George Junior: Don't try to explain your economics policies to me. Save the new priorities in education or foreign affairs. First of all, tell me how in the world you can justify having traded away Sammy Sosa from the Texas Rangers .

As always, life is good.

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