May 18th


It's mid afternoon Sunday.

A lot of things have become clear today. One is that with the increased number of anoxic post-cough spells, I am worried. I'm afraid I'm going to have a stroke, I'm afraid I'm going to go into la-la land while driving, I'm afraid I'll have a seizure, I'm just plain afraid. I no longer fear herniating something as I'm pretty sure I did indeed tear something this morning in my abdomen, that gives me a sharp stab now when I cough.

I awoke this morning after having a notably improved sleep. I spent much of the night propped up vertical in bed grasping a pillow to splint my belly. Even though much of it was that sort of twilight rest where you never really go deep, on the other hand the coughing didn't jerk me out of bed violently as it has been and I was able to get 4-5 hours of relatively uninterrupted almost sleep sort of sleep. Unfortunately, when I awoke I also had 4-5 minutes of trailing double vision. I move my hand across my field of vision and it appears to be a video special effect with images of the hand trailing behind it. It went away after a few moments.

I also woke to find a message from Mama Bear Cabbie, offering to pick up Dad at the airport and drop him off here. Bless her heart.

K, of K&C fame, chatted with me a bit this morning and then was dispatched to here with several containers of her wife's homemade absolutely organic and quite tasty chicken soup. If I had the strength to carry a three syllable word around, I'd say the soup is fab-u-lous, with a few exclamation points thrown in for emphasis.

Catsy came over this morning also. He witnessed a couple of the anoxic things, and he went white, quite concerned. Me too, except I get red faced instead of white. He spent much of the day here with me, and helped out with a couple of the heavy lifting things like getting the recycle and the trash to the curb. Just a few minutes before he left I heard him distantly calling me - I had just typed the line above where I was blessing Mama Bear Cabbie's heart and I jumped from 'thinking I was about to cough' all the way to 'can't remember coughing and find myself kneeling face down into the recliner chair next to my desk, glasses off and not sure what was happening'. Poor boy, he looked like he was going to cry.

I gave Dad my car to drive himself to Bellingham and after his 7am dialysis treatment tomorrow he's going to come back down with a relative driving his car, and when he gets here I'm going directly to see my physician. Enough is enough.



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