May 17th

I sure wish I had a good excuse to stop whining. I went to the Urgent Care clinic of my HMO last night. Good competent and caring professionals, and I am still not clearly diagnosed or treated. I had been on planning on going to the Saturday clinic today but just couldn't stand the idea of one more night being as psychotically sleep disturbed as I had been.

They drew up a mix of whatever drug they were giving me for my lungs along with lidocaine to try to desensitize my reactive airway. It was a extra large quantity in the nebulizer and we kept going until it was all vaporized and passed through my airway. Five minutes later I was sitting there chatting with the respiratory therapist and getting about ready to go when I had another one of those coughing fits where my glasses were knocked off, my face felt fuzzy numb, my vision was slowly clearing and out of focus aimed over her left shoulder. As I was coming to she stood up and said, "Well, the lidocaine nebulizer was a nice try. Let me go talk to the doctor again and see what we can come up with."

My chest x-ray was again clear, no infiltrates, nothing obvious. They ended up giving me more hycodan, a refill of my albuteral and a new puffer with a steroid in it. The doc [gaydar = beepbeepbeep] lightened up 1000% when I mentioned to him that these whiteout things are really similar to a tantric orgasm except for it not being a good thing.

Hazel got hung up earlier in the day and wasn't able to get over to start her weekly housecleaning until in the evening just before I left for the clinic. She was still there at nearly midnight when I got home and had worked her buns off. Sterile kitchen, ironing done, DVDs all shelved alphabetically, and the second aquarium that she brought was set up in addition to mine, rather than in a trade. She is such a help - right now the lightest weight chore like carrying groceries in or standing in the kitchen long enough to dice asparagus, onion, mushrooms, and cabbage into the vegetable steamer exhausts me and winds me. I mention her again here in praise of how much she means to me these past three years.

After I got home she took off, and the rest of the night was similar to most I've had recently. I spent it variously in my office chair, my easy chair, or propped up in my bed. At times I'd wake up still seeing hallucinogenic visions from a coughing fit that had started while I was asleep. My overall sleep was terrible, but a slight bit better than the night before. I never slept longer than 2 hours at a time - most often 15-20 minutes at a time- and I'd be hard put to count the total hours asleep.

Today I've taken it easy. I went out for a few minutes this afternoon to run a few chores and got back home as quickly as I could. Elf stopped over this morning to pick up some stuff I'd borrowed and it was nice - and exhausting - to chat for a few minutes. The picture on his site does him no justice and those of you who only know him as one of the most prolific writers at ASSTR have no way of knowing, but he's just about the cutest thing around.

So, after all this how has today been?

I have had more of those whiteout and wake up all fuzzy sort of coughs today than any other day in the past 3 weeks. I've gotten used to finding myself coming back into focus, laying tilted in my chair, lips numb and fingers twitching, and no recall of what the DVD or ball game had been doing the past minute or so. It has happened a handful of times while typing this note. I am very very scared.

I have to pick up my Dad tomorrow at SeaTac and drive him to Bellingham, and have Catsy coming over to join me so I'll have back-up on the trip.

Monday I have off work and I think I'll be going in to see Doc Cody. For now, thanks for the love and support and self-care hints that I've received all over the place. The folks I chat with at 3WA have been great. Shawn has been very supportive, even though she has many burdens herself right now. I'm on the 4th of the 5 DVD's CB and DeVil loaned me. It was a small joy today to be running around the pharmacy and the pet store and such in my latest t-shirt acquisition.

To all who have followed me on this, awaiting my description of my next sluttish occurrence, thank you for your patience. I know that my command of my words and my ability to sort thoughts coherently has suffered. I do plan on get back to my Life Is Good confidence, as soon as possible.

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