Dec 26th

My sincere thanks to the many folks who sent love and support, dinner invitations and commisseration of similar holiday or painfully similar relationship woes, after my past couple of entries. Obviously, I've changed at least one thing recently. In accepting the reality of certain relationship changes I've realized how unfair, unhealthy, and plain dumb it has been for me to suppress my using my own journal to work out my own thoughts and feelings, for fear of hurting Others. Especially silly since Others have not shown the same self discipline. I'm not going to look to hurt anyone here, but I AM determined to heal myself. Caveat lector.

The evening of the 24th my son - he uses the nickname Catsy, far from the name I gave him decades ago but it'll suffice for a nickname here - and his primary partner Thea arrived. Actually, they bussed in from the eastside and I picked them up downtown. We were all famished and had the same traditional Christmas Eve dinner we had last year, at Chen's Village. You know the old family recipes - Oyster Sauce Beef, Hot & Sour Soup, Honey Walnut Prawns, and so forth. They have wonderful food, good prices, and have always been most welcoming. From there we moved up the block to the Wet Spot for the annual pajama party.

This year I started by getting together with Georgette right up front on what time she wanted me to be Santa Claus. I've done this for a while now, either at the Holiday Vendor Faire, or at the Xmas Eve party itself. Last year she thought it was funny to call out for Santa Claus 30 minutes early, while I was in the back room about to get extremely lucky. I had to streak in front of the waiting crowd from the mattress room to the front office where the Santa outfit was and didn't have time to get the red pants on. It created a Wet Spot legend, but this year I wanted a bit better warning. When we walked in we changed from our winter street clothes to PJs and robes and slippers, and settled in to enjoy some holiday-related South Park. After that was the Grinch. Halfway through the Grinch we paused it and Santa passed out the gifts on the gift exchange. Almost as much fun as the gift exchange was the after gift exchange gift exchange ["I got a organizer to hang on the seat back of my car and I don't have a car - wanna trade?"]. We settled back in then to finish the Grinch and many of us stayed late to watch Scrooged as well.

Early on in the movie-watching an old friend, who apparently needed a good snuggle as much as I did, joined me and we enjoyed the evening on the couch together. We didn't get sexual, just comforting, and I must say that snuggling, hugging, tickling, hair fingercombing, and other silliness was exactly what the both of us needed. Oh, god yes. When you've been a Big Bad Scary Guy, a certified Out There Edgy Player - or so I've been told - folks seem to forget that you have a soft chewy inside, and that you need kittens and hugs and whispered endearments as much as anyone else. We caught up on our hug deficit, and then the kids and I dropped her off at her place on our way home. A nice person, and a nice present to receive.

We got home and Catsy and Thea used the same futon Dad did last week. In the morn I drove them back to their eastside apartment, and then stopped down on Capital Hill for a wonderful lunch with K&C. K is a software guru and C, her partner, is a CPA, and they have made me a welcome friend in their home often. They have a beautiful view from their guppie condo overlooking REI and the Space Needle and much of Elliott Bay. Their son was home from the Navy for a visit, and we spent a couple of hours catching up and eating an orgasmic roast and lots of side doodads and appetizers and stuff. C wouldn't let son, K, or I do anything in the kitchen and if all her meals turn out that good, I'm more than welcome to grant her the concession. They were one of several friends or couples who reached out with a lunch or dinner invite after I posted my holiday rant, and I'm quite grateful to them, as well as the other folks ranging from South King County to Vancouver BC who made similar offers.

We had planned on going on to a showing of Lord of the Rings at the Cinerama, but they all had tickets from Fandango and when I attempted the performance was sold out. So we parted ways, they on to the show and I on to Blockbuster. I stocked up, and through the rest of the day and evening chipped away at reviewing websites while watching The Score [yawn], Heartbreakers [fun fluff], and Mighty Aphrodite [Mira......!]. This morning, Wednesday, as I'm composing this entry I'm watching Apocolypse Now Redux, and still have Chicken Run left to cap off the DVD run. Today is the day of gentle gradual re-entry, and I'm back to the Other Job Thursday through Saturday.

And how am I, thanks for asking? Not bad, not good, not as bad as I was the other day and by no means healed. Someone who is becoming a good friend mentioned to me recently in email, "I say find your joy where you find your joy, which sometimes means going headlong into your bleakest sorrow first to find out what there is in it that you need to recover or embrace before you come out the other side. I daresay that's the lion's share of the message of the midwinter festivals anyhow, finding the glimmer of light in the blackness and trusting it to grow." [I don't have her permission, so I'm quoting her anonymously for now]. I started that wallow the other day with my openly maudlin note, and I'm not by any means going to stay there, get stuck there, or continue to shower self pity all over the place. There will be some occasions when I 'go through' suchlike however. For the most part I'll be looking forward, recapturing my happy open sluthood, starting my spiritual revival with the ritual Omaha and I have planned in a couple weeks and my new Other Job which starts the week after the ritual. For those readers who come here to escape their own reality, to read about the adventures of a free wheeling slut, sorry. Some of this recently has been the touchstone of my reality, the attached other side of the coin. Nothing I write is fiction, it's my life. Welcome to it.

Life is getting better. Day by day, step by self-healing step. Plenty of good times coming. Thanks for joining my journey.

Addendum - for those of you who asked, here's my Amazon Wish List. I had to be nudged into creating one, but I've found it makes it easier for holidays to happen back and forth spontaneously all year long. Let yours be known as well.

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