August 23rd



First of all - I goofed up and left my last entry [8/18] posted with the prior entry's date [8/5] until this afternoon when I noticed and fixed it. Hope it didn't cross anyone up.

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Not a helluva lot to report at this time, but I sure don't wanna get into that catch-up-a-lifetime-at-a-time condition again. Works's been doing well lately, I've been feeling damn good about myself, and I really like the friends both long distance and local I've been making. Despite all of that, I've still got the one burden weighing on me that I've been recognising for a few months now. Lonely in a crowd - the deaf and mute man in the middle of the choir. The busy social schedule just camoflages it - the need for someone, someone who likes me, someone who wants to spend time with me, on some sort of an ongoing basis. Instead of just giving folks a walk on the wild side, I want to find someone just to walk with. It's been safe, dating people with wives or husbands they went home to, and I've been able to avoid the risks of the heart. The time for avoiding is past. I plan on still being the slut, still being all over the place and not giving up on any current friends, but my hope is to share the adventures with someone. You know - like everyone else. It'll happen.

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There's been an interesting thread going on on 3WA recently, with people offering up their particular superpower. It's almost like an extension out of Mystery Men where they had 'The Spleen', 'PMS Woman', and so forth. Some of the secret identities revealed so far on 3WA [each with a nice long explanation] have been 'Eclectic Music Gal', 'Benefit-of-the-Doubt Woman', 'The Queen of You Don't Know Jack', and 'Does Anything If You Ask Nicely Man'.

Here's my sad but true entry:

Soundtrack Man - in any given conversation, situation, wheatever, I instantly know the right song for the moment. Usually it's because the title or lyric is appropriate rather than the actual sound of it.

Examples - in that TV commercial where a guy starts dancing with a beautiful woman in a night club and then suddenly hears the deep male voice of the woman and notices her adam's apple, I hear in my head Carole King singing, "You make me feel like a natural woman!"

I'm laying there in the sling, looking up into the eyes of a female companion who is wearing her dildo harness for the first time, and when she makes her first hipthrust into my nether regions, you just know I hear Helen Reddy shouting out, "I am woman, hear me roar!"

When I've said something that a loved one misinterprets and a disagreement ensues, I hear Eric Burden plaintively calling out, "I'm just a soul whose intentions are good; oh god, please don't let me be misunderstood."

It can be rough sometimes - when I'm at a tender moment and about to lower my bearded lips onto the nether bits of a loved one, it's a bad time to have Johnny Cash echo through your head singing, "You go down down down, to a burning ring of fire...".

How about the rest of y'all? I know you've got a secret identity hidden in there somewhere.

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By the way, for those of my friends who have kept in touch on ICQ, you've noticed I'm no longer signed on 24/7. I'm not ignoring you, and will quickly respond to any message you leave me. Despite my cable moden connection, I've been consciously logging off of ICQ frequently now and just checking in for messages, to break a habit that had become an obsession. I'd gotten my knickers in a twitch when some folks with issues made me 'invisible'. For quite a while I just kept trying to repair the friendship, and found myself stuck in a mode of hoping for the approval of folks who have to sort out their own issues. Kinda silly and lose/lose for me to do that, so I got out of that mode. It makes a lot more sense for me to base my self esteem on what I think of me, and what friends of mine with no agenda think of me. I'll be back on ICQ full time after a while, once I know I've put that silly obsession behind me. In the meantime, I already feel about 3000% better.

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Just got a reprieve! I've been [quite willingly] volunteered to be one of the stunt bottoms for the all day anal workshop coming up at the Wet Spot ["In Through The Back Door"], but until a moment ago I'd had it on my calendar for this Sunday. I just checked the original email and corrected my calendar to read September 15th. And called for a bulky meal for delivery. Sheesh - I'd already started fluids, fruit, and vegetables and I was starving! Due to be delivered in 30 minutes is a large order of General Tao's Chicken, no MSG. Life is good.
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  • The Usuals ==

  • Last Five DVDs watched: Lord of the Rings, State and Main, Horse Feathers, Streetcar Named Desire, Gentlemen Prefer Blonds


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