Aug 8th

The lessons you learn living my life can take all forms. Some are welcome, some are unfortunately necessary, some just flat assed humiliating.

The first lesson this week was a refreshing one, a recipe learned when I ran out to do a shopping run for #1 Son. He's quite the nipponophile, and loves doing stir fry from some of the bulk stuff available at CostCo. While he's waiting for Microsoft to realize the wisdom of hiring him again, I'm the family member who can afford to walk in the doors of that "$100 store". I believe I've walked into CostCo twice and come out spending under $100 only twice. Anyhow, I decided to do the Nice Dad thing, pick up the bulk stuff, swing through the Grocers Outlet for a handful of canned goods, and also dropped by Uwajimaya's eastside branch. While I was in Uwajimaya I decided to pick up some General Tao's Chicken and a wonderfully tasty Japanese salad I noticed. I can't for the life of me remember the name for it, although I've searched their great website, so I'll have to get back to you with the name. For the simple recipe, though, it follows. I bought some of this salad, reverse engineered the recipe, and have served it to company twice this week with great comments.

I'll give you the proportions I used, and you can adapt to your needs.

1/2 lb smoked salmon
1 good bundle of green onions
2-3 nice firm Roma tomatoes

Mince the salmon, the tomatoes, and finely slice the green onions. Mix all three components well, and add a bit more of anything that looks out of balance in the final mix. Chill and serve.

Now, I'll be the first to admit it's an expensive dish, with the salmon, but served as a smaller portion secondary dish, it's great in this hot weather we've been having, and quite obviously simple and easy to prepare.

The other lesson learned was one of a caution that I've warned countless other folks about. It's humiliating, but worth passing on in the interests of helping others.

I had Sol and his lovely lady over for dinner this evening. That salmon/tomato salad mentioned above, steamed vegetables mixed with marinated and grilled chunks of smoked tofu ... but that's not the lesson.

Taking my cue from Chris Elliott's dictates in Something About Mary, I frequently devote a bit of time prior to the arrival of company to self worship. Take the edge off, unload the weapon, that sort of thing. Lately I've been having a great time using the vibrating butt plug I picked up last time I was down at Toys in Babeland. Makes things much more of a religious experience when your prostate is buzzed by a couple of AA batteries. Unfortunately, this afternoon it was a reeeely reeeely good time, hopping up and down on the butt plug, polishing the doorknob, but when I was done with my exercise I found that I'd inhaled the damn thing all the way in. The wide flanged base that is supposed to keep it from going in? Inhaled. Inside. All the way up there. Needless to say, fighting panic was a challenge. The good news was that the plug has a wire coming out to the control box/battery holder. Simply pulling didn't really do the job. Finally a combination of kegels, zen breathing, grunting, and pulling on the wire [with hands, of course, that were covered with Eros lube], I was able to get it out. The flanges were a bit crushed, and I pulled a shoulder muscle reaching around pulling that had me sobbing in pain, and took 15 minutes in the shower massage to loosen up.

The lesson, obviously, is to be careful what you stick up your butt and make sure that you have at least one good way of retrieval, more than one being better. I know it would have ruined my whole afternoon to have to call Kevin to come over now!!!, and speaking as a former ER staffer, that is one x-ray I really don't want to have to pose for. I'm not going to stop putting stuff in my butt - I'm not even going to stop putting that same plug in my butt - but I'm going to be putting a whole lot of attention on how and what goes in and even more attention on how it's coming back out.

Lessons learned, of all complexions. It keeps life good.

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